Devotion

Am I supposed to want you every morning? 

This heart is virgin to joy

but the hymen's broken

by Fathers of Faith

who merely traded hookup hearts

for Sunday stages

 

They stand

behind the pulpit

bending congregants

to (their) fervor and (your) will

Commending the dailyness

inseminating naive wombs of souls

with doctrine

violating the sacred message

that is in an empty tomb

So I left

 

god is N O T H E R E

 

I AM unfaithful

grace in a b a n d o n m e n t

formless and void  

is more like a heart of flesh  

than these elders

have ever known

The absence is welcome

 

I don't want you

How could I 

when I've never even been

a p a r t  

is it that odd

for the woman to say

no?

Did your spirit overwhelm Magdalene from the torture of seven

to fill her with just one more? 

Church like pimps finding lovers for their holy harem

 

The voice inside me calls

B E W I L D E R

So I run to the desert

and realize not mine

but your devotion

to leave

me

 

a l o n e

Lovers

I read the word:

Lovers

and think

there will never

be space for me

I have for children

and nothing to spare

there will be

no midnight trysts

except to calm nightmares

no aphrodisiac

except frozen food

that's all I've time

to make

so they can eat

 

They made sure of this

I made sure of this

Did I make sure of this?  I'm not sure.

Those pro lifers

created an organization

of living

hell

motherhood is not a calling

 

It is a sentence

and you may

not survive

 

Constantly admonished

to think of blessing

to offer sacrifice

to die

to care for all

but one self

 

So I've decided

not to be

a mother

or a lover

or a maid

or a cook

or a chef

or a warrior, volunteer, go-getter, doer, be present-er, organizer,

better or worse

 

I'll just be me.

They will be they.

 

And little child

all one two three four

of you

At one three six seven

will see

your me

 

and we'll learn

to love

our selves

Together

Parable for Sunday

This is a parable written by my husband, Nathan. It is a beautiful piece for reflection this Easter weekend. I'm honored to welcome him as my first guest post.

There was once path from a village to the marketplace. Along the path, in a small meadow, stood a young fig tree. As the fig tree grew, he watched the villagers travel along the path, and saw that they were often hungry and thirsty.

So he stretched out his young branches and produced figs to offer them.

The villagers soon discovered the figs and would take them as they passed by. As they walked on, the fig tree could hear them discussing his figs, whether they were too small or too large, too sweet or too bland, or just the way they thought a fig ought to be. Some would even take his figs and sell them at the market; the village leaders boasted in how their village grew the best figs.

One day, a man came along the path. He was not from the village. As he stopped to look at the fig tree, the fig tree saw that there was something very different about this man traveling alone. From near his trunk, he reached out a beautiful fig to the man. It was the best fig he had ever made.

But the man did not take his fig. Instead he reached in through the branches, and with his finger wrote the name Beautiful on his trunk.

And then he left. And never returned.

The fig tree wept. Fig after fig fell to ground. And then he died.

A few days later, a group of villagers came walking along the path. They stopped to look at the fig tree.

One of the men, an elder from the village, pointed at the ground and said,

"Do you see why this fig tree has died? It is because its figs were rotten."

The other men voiced their agreement and continued down the path.

The meadow soon filled with smell of death and rotting figs, and the villagers chose other paths to the marketplace. The fig tree stood alone, brittle and lifeless, as the seasons changed.

Winter came. And stayed. And then went. The tears of spring fell, and awoke the seeds of the fallen figs.

 

The meadow is gone now. In its place stands a grove of fig trees. The path has long since disappeared, broken and buried by strong supple roots. The village has forgotten the meadow and the fig tree that grew there. Only its children come, to climb in the branches and eat the beautiful figs that grow there.