For anyone who has lost a friend
There is so much life in you
About the Book
We all want good friends and to be good friends, but what does that mean when things go wrong or we don’t feel like we can show up well? What happens when we lose the people we thought would be there when we needed them most? And why does a friend breakup often hurt more than a romantic one? The answers to these questions are found in the pages of How to Be a Bad Friend by inviting you to explore your own friendship stories. Under the surface, we're all seeking a way to make sure our connections with others stay (or end) well, even when things are falling apart.
Instead of trying to be better, or best friends . . . what if the freedom we’re looking for in friendship is found in the ways we have failed each other and learning, instead, how to be a bad friend?
Praise for How to Be a Bad Friend
“A desperately needed, compassionate, wise, and most of all, helpful resource for navigating the hidden dynamics of friendships. This is the book for anyone who’s ever felt like a bad friend (read: everyone) or wishes they could understand why they’ve been dumped, ghosted, or otherwise left behind in a friendship. It’s a warm hug and the nudge you need to reconsider the meaning of friendship and what it means to be a good one.”
—Laura McKowen, bestselling author of We Are The Luckiest and Push Off From Here
“Friend breakups are heartbreaking, confusing, and often maddening. We desperately want to know how and why things fell apart. How to Be a Bad Friend breaks down the what, why, and how of friendship in a clear and compassionate way. It shows us how our earliest relationships impact our adult friendships. And it invites us to explore deeper, more honest connections by letting go of friendship labels and unspoken expectations. In the end, it's a guide to befriending ourselves so that we can show up more fully in the world, imperfections and all.”
—Gina DeMillo Wagner, New York Times contributor and author of FORCES OF NATURE: A Memoir of Family, Loss, and Finding Home (2024).
“This book is so needed in a world that rarely acknowledges the deep heartache hidden in broken friendships. I am grateful Katherine has gifted us with her tender, honest and bold heart as she offers a way to understand and heal in some of our most intimate relationships—our friends.”
—Cathy Loerzel, MA, coauthor of Redeeming Heartache
“How to Be a Bad Friend is an invitation to love the wholeness of who we are, even the parts we’d like to throw out with the trash. The book is beautifully relatable, bringing us into conversation with the stories we’ve told ourselves about who we are to others. Katherine’s writing is lyrical and comforting, like a good friend walking you through the very charged and often unexplored topic of friendships lost.”
—Sarajane Case, author of The Honest Enneagram and The Enneagram Letters
“From birth we are immersed in an ocean of expectations, desires, loves, wishes and fears, out of which we gradually become. As we enter adulthood, friendship becomes the fraught arena within which we grapple with, and play out, this complex interconnectedness between I and thou. In How to Be a Bad Friend Katherine helps the reader reflect on this central dimension of our lives, with all of its frustrations, antagonisms and conflicts. With openness, honesty and grace, Katherine guides the reader into the difficult, yet profoundly rewarding work, of discovering ourselves through an uncompromising reflection on how we interact with those who mean the most—and occasionally the least—to us.”
—Peter Rollins, author of The Divine Magician and Insurrection